No matter how much you love your child there will be moments when you feel totally frustrated, angry, and at a loss for what to do…that is OK…positive parenting is NOT about perfection…instead strive to solve these conflicts in a respectful manner, cool off, think it over, don’t be afraid to say “let’s start this over!” What do you do when you are too angry to deal?
Have you ever had a conversation a bit like this? “Can I have that toy?” “Not today.” “But’s it’s my
As parents, our days are often busy and bustling, whether we go out to work or not. And although these busy days have their pros – we get to socialize, make friends, change our scenery, get fresh air and be productive – they can also be difficult and overstimulating for our children.
Responsibility is not something we can demand or insist upon from our children. It is something that is learned, by trial and error, by observation and by receiving ample chances to do things over again when needed. The process of learning responsibility can come with great pride and sometimes it involves experiencing failure and disappointment. Responsibility is about having the mindfulness to solve problems in a way that reflects our inner values of goodness, peace and kindness.
Speaking forcefully with threats, bribes, empty promises or lies seldom gets us any closer to “getting” children to willingly do what we hope them to do. When we speak kindly, with the intent to connect, explain or share, our ideas become appealing and interesting and the other person can feel welcomed into the conversation and welcomed into potential solutions.
Welcome to the Beyond Discipline: 10 Building Blocks for Positive Parenting Series. This is the 4th post in a series
I won’t pretend that it wasn’t
frustrating, constantly stopping what I was doing to pick up, comfort and
carry my toddler but I had to keep reminding myself that he had no idea
what was going on, what was next or where we were going, so he absolutely
needed all the comfort and reassurance that we could offer.
if you’ve communicated accurately and encouragingly, kids inherently know that something they did was “good,” and they’re motivated to do it again. Instead of telling your kids that they just made you feel proud, they decide feel proud of themselves. Their accomplishments, as they should be, are about them, not you.
When a child is misbehaving, have faith that they are capable of learning what to do and give them a chance to do it over. In other words, encourage learning and making amends instead of deciding to punish or shame. When we parent with the intent to be encouraging, we don’t focus on evaluating their steps as “good” or “bad” but rather we seek to help them find their own way, to feel capable and interested in learning, achieving, doing and discovering.
The basic idea is that it will help diffuse situations before they escalate into chaos. Even if this doesn’t happen often young children can get overwhelmed by big emotions in their tiny bodies, whether its frustration or anger or sadness and this provides him an appropriate outlet for these because we all know big emotions can escalate into yelling, shouting, name calling, lashing out, tantrums and even physical attacks which we do not want.