Many parents I work with confess to yelling at their kids upwards of ten times a day. Parents say they do this most of all because they want their children to listen but they get zero cooperation. When promises, pleading and threats no longer work, yelling can feel like the only option. Especially if time is… Continue Reading
Positive Parenting means all things to all parents. It is not one size fits all. Sometimes it is referred to as gentle guidance or positive discipline. The commonalities, however, in most people’s approach to positive parenting is that it actively avoids punishment and control. Instead it leans more towards connection to cultivate cooperation, empathy and… Continue Reading
Skip time out and other hurtful “discipline” techniques: Children learn right from wrong, not because they were sent to the corner alone, but because they begin to understand expectations and situations, and because they have enough information that will ultimately help them make better decisions. Continue Reading
Driving back from the second day of school, my two boys started to tease each other and bicker. Determined not to yell at them and having just spotted the recycling center parking lot, I pulled into that lot, took out my book and started reading. Within seconds and without prompting, they had stopped, apologized… Continue Reading
The “I can’t” stage is a tough one. Parents often feel torn about how to handle these two words. Some parents feel that they should step right in and help because it is their parental duty. Others feel that those two words are unacceptable and that their child must at least “try.” The optimal way to… Continue Reading
Most parents have great intentions when they come up with limits and boundaries. Which rules to set and why they are important are usually clear. The power struggles and negotiation start when parents find that keeping those limits, following through, just doesn’t go so well. While most children will not actually admit to wanting or… Continue Reading
Consider this. Your child chose C because it is his job. His job to practice being in charge of himself as often as possible. Her job to test you, to let you know HER preference, to state loud and clear “I am the boss of ME!” And your child is right. He IS the boss of himself, and as the boss, he gets to ultimately decide what choice he will make. This is truly evidence of just the kind of self-directed, independent soul you (most of the time) want to grow. Someone who is in charge of themselves.
Okay, but you still need to get out the door. To continue to support your child in their quest to be independent it is important to respect their choice. How does this look and still get out the door–maybe on time? Continue Reading
Danny just turned three years old and he used to be that kid. That kid that bites, hits and screams at playgroup…The kid everyone kind of sighs about when he arrives. That kid that ends up being placed in time out several times or taken home mid activity. Danny isn’t that kid anymore! Here is a glimpse of what… Continue Reading
Do you ever feel badly that a parenting tool everyone thinks is oh so great isn’t working for you? Or just frustrated in general that a tool you would like to use doesn’t seem to work? No matter how great a parenting tool may seem, in truth, parenting tools are not one size fits all. Sometimes… Continue Reading
When we let go of punitive parenting and authority over the child style of parenting, setting a limit with kindness and consistency and then actually holding it may at first feel similar to punishing or being authoritarian. With time and practice though, it is possible to be confident, calm and consistent in a way that conveys that the limits are about creating safety, building trust and guidance. Continue Reading