learn to communicate with children effectively, conflict resolution, talk so children will listen, listen so children will talk. help for families, behavior problems in families, help with parenting
In an attempt to prevent a scene, parents use all the tricks to coerce their child in to following their instructions. They bribe and barter, they punish and threaten, or perhaps they simply whisper quietly and tell them “You’re okay,there’s no need to cry.” Sometimes these tricks work, though often what materialises is an even bigger outburst, either there and then, or saved up ready to be released in an explosion at a later time.
By choosing non-punitive or positive parenting ways I did give up control (or the illusion of control really) but I gained this incredible sense of family harmony, of connection, of so much joy. No we don’t always get it right, and it’s not always smooth sailing, but none of us are afraid to say sorry, take a huge breath, start over or try again. The best part is that much more than public questioning or tsk tsking that the other mom warned about, to my surprise I often hear awesome comments and see frowns turn into smiles.
We all want positive, respectful relationships with our children—and we want our children to
grow up experiencing the same. Using the power of pause is a simple tool that has the
profound ability to transform our relationships, from infancy on.
Peacefulness helps us to learn to cope with stress and bring what is out of balance into harmony. We begin to create an atmosphere where peace is felt and experienced in our presence. And we become open to listen to our own feelings and actions and model to our children what matters to us. We naturally become more forgiving and gentle with ourselves and others and our energy is restored and centred.
Creating and using family rules can be a positive and family oriented activity. Family rules do not need to be a long exhausting list of “can’t dos” to be effective either. Here are some ideas to consider when writing up family rules:
It takes a lot more finesse and attention to help create safety in the exploration than it does to simply shut it down. Making mistakes with livable consequences are great ways to learn. The bummer about shutting down all crazy explorations is that kids will lose their own internal sense of how to create safety within the adventure
While imagination, fantasy, play and magic in childhood is…magical… lying to avoid important conversations, setting a limit or explaining certain aspects about life can really be harmful to the parent child relationship. Here are four reasons to avoid lies and four reasons to strive to tell the truth:
Compassion is internally driven. Compassion should be the motivating factor in treating others well, in getting along, in working together. Our goal is not to get our children to blindly obey, but to help them to appreciate for themselves, the benefits of striving to share their world peacefully.
Have you ever had a conversation a bit like this? “Can I have that toy?” “Not today.” “But’s it’s my
Speaking forcefully with threats, bribes, empty promises or lies seldom gets us any closer to “getting” children to willingly do what we hope them to do. When we speak kindly, with the intent to connect, explain or share, our ideas become appealing and interesting and the other person can feel welcomed into the conversation and welcomed into potential solutions.